growing up

Last weekend at the Jersey Shore (insert lolz) Brandon turned to me and asked me if I considered myself to be an adult. Without really thinking about it, I said yes. And he said that he didn't really feel that way at all. So I thought about it some more.

In the PRO-adult category, we have the following:

I do basically everything by myself. I live miles away from family, I pay bills, I buy and make food, I clean my clothes and room and house, I have a boyfriend that I carefully arrange my schedule around (ha!), I make doctors' appointments for myself, and I am attending (and successfully completing, thus far) medical school (I mean I haven't flunked out yet or anything). Functionally, I am a fully independent human being.

However, and there is a HUGE however, I am not financially independent. I am pretty much entirely dependent, actually. Unlike many of my classmates, I am lucky enough to have some financial support from my parents. I will not become financially independent until I start making some money.

So in the CON-adult, we have:

Financial dependence. No responsibility for any person other than myself. Oh also I litter my speech with internet terminology and waste a lot of my free time instead of being productive.

Those are really the only concrete "cons" I can come up with. But I also worry a lot. And I never, ever used to worry. I have always had very concrete plans for my life. Actually, I had one plan: medical school. I used to think that after that everything would just fall into place. I didn't realize I'd have to make more plans. And now that I'm here, planning for the future seems pretty much impossible. I feel more anxiety and uncertainty about what's to come than possibly ever before.

Then I read this article about the new "developmental phase" of life called emerging adulthood.

There are two quotes from this article that particularly resonate with me:

1)“It’s somewhat terrifying,” writes a 25-year-old named Jennifer, “to think about all the things I’m supposed to be doing in order to ‘get somewhere’ successful: ‘Follow your passions, live your dreams, take risks, network with the right people, find mentors, be financially responsible, volunteer, work, think about or go to grad school, fall in love and maintain personal well-being, mental health and nutrition.’ When is there time to just be and enjoy?”

I don't find it terrifying so much as exhausting. It makes me want to sit on the couch and do none of the above. Despite the fact that this should be one of the most inspired periods of my life - my time at a great medical school, doing things I've always wanted to do - I sometimes feel less motivated than I did at UT.

2) THE 20S ARE LIKE the stem cell of human development, the pluripotent moment when any of several outcomes is possible. Decisions and actions during this time have lasting ramifications. (emphasis mine)

Yes, I know! Oh gosh! Freak out about what career I want/when I'm going to get married/where I want to do residency and how that will affect my career/ etc etc.

The funniest part is that I don't even think I really fit this "developmental phase" of "emerging adulthood" because I'm not trying to decide what career I want/changing jobs/moving back home. But I do feel like it fits me.

After all, I've hit only 2 of the 5 criteria for "transitioning to adulthood":

1) Completing school (I think they mean earlier phases of school): CHECK

2) Leaving home: CHECK

3) Becoming financially independent...not so much

4) Marrying...nope

5) Having a child...thankfully, not yet.

At this rate I will probably never be an adult. HOORAY