lauren's wedding: photobooth style

growing up

Last weekend at the Jersey Shore (insert lolz) Brandon turned to me and asked me if I considered myself to be an adult. Without really thinking about it, I said yes. And he said that he didn't really feel that way at all. So I thought about it some more.

In the PRO-adult category, we have the following:

I do basically everything by myself. I live miles away from family, I pay bills, I buy and make food, I clean my clothes and room and house, I have a boyfriend that I carefully arrange my schedule around (ha!), I make doctors' appointments for myself, and I am attending (and successfully completing, thus far) medical school (I mean I haven't flunked out yet or anything). Functionally, I am a fully independent human being.

However, and there is a HUGE however, I am not financially independent. I am pretty much entirely dependent, actually. Unlike many of my classmates, I am lucky enough to have some financial support from my parents. I will not become financially independent until I start making some money.

So in the CON-adult, we have:

Financial dependence. No responsibility for any person other than myself. Oh also I litter my speech with internet terminology and waste a lot of my free time instead of being productive.

Those are really the only concrete "cons" I can come up with. But I also worry a lot. And I never, ever used to worry. I have always had very concrete plans for my life. Actually, I had one plan: medical school. I used to think that after that everything would just fall into place. I didn't realize I'd have to make more plans. And now that I'm here, planning for the future seems pretty much impossible. I feel more anxiety and uncertainty about what's to come than possibly ever before.

Then I read this article about the new "developmental phase" of life called emerging adulthood.

There are two quotes from this article that particularly resonate with me:

1)“It’s somewhat terrifying,” writes a 25-year-old named Jennifer, “to think about all the things I’m supposed to be doing in order to ‘get somewhere’ successful: ‘Follow your passions, live your dreams, take risks, network with the right people, find mentors, be financially responsible, volunteer, work, think about or go to grad school, fall in love and maintain personal well-being, mental health and nutrition.’ When is there time to just be and enjoy?”

I don't find it terrifying so much as exhausting. It makes me want to sit on the couch and do none of the above. Despite the fact that this should be one of the most inspired periods of my life - my time at a great medical school, doing things I've always wanted to do - I sometimes feel less motivated than I did at UT.

2) THE 20S ARE LIKE the stem cell of human development, the pluripotent moment when any of several outcomes is possible. Decisions and actions during this time have lasting ramifications. (emphasis mine)

Yes, I know! Oh gosh! Freak out about what career I want/when I'm going to get married/where I want to do residency and how that will affect my career/ etc etc.

The funniest part is that I don't even think I really fit this "developmental phase" of "emerging adulthood" because I'm not trying to decide what career I want/changing jobs/moving back home. But I do feel like it fits me.

After all, I've hit only 2 of the 5 criteria for "transitioning to adulthood":

1) Completing school (I think they mean earlier phases of school): CHECK

2) Leaving home: CHECK

3) Becoming financially independent...not so much

4) Marrying...nope

5) Having a child...thankfully, not yet.

At this rate I will probably never be an adult. HOORAY

backdated!

I posted 2 old entries from the time of surg. Dated April/May.

Thursday's the big day - I am so ready. I need a break. On Sunday we took one:

Yes, that is a kiddie pool in my backyard. It's the biggest kiddie pool I've ever seen though. It comfortably fits 3 full-sized humans, maybe 4 if you're all friendly.

The sad part is that you can't see my flashcards, which are on the ground on the right beside me. I mean, the sad part is that there are flashcards on the ground right beside me. Maybe Kamna and I will get bonus "cool points" on the exam for "creative studying venues."

oh PS I added two blogs on the right - smitten kitchen, which I've been reading for ages, and hyperbole & a half, which is really how i wish my blog read, because it is laugh out loud hilarious. Lolz all over the place.

hello everyone!

So I've been getting some sass for not updating this thang. Here are my excuses:

1) When I was on surgery, I was working or sleeping. And if I wasn't doing that, I should have been reading about surgery. Or maybe eating. Anyway, it's a shame I didn't post more during that time, because there were lots of good stories, and that's supposed to be the point of this blog. Which leads to my 2nd excuse, which is that:

2) I'm just really bad at blogging; I start posts, I don't finish them. I will try to be better. Again.

3) THIRD EXCUSE: Since surgery I have been studying for the boards, and there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that will turn you into a boring person faster. Everytime mom calls she's like "hey what are you doing" and I'm like "studying." And it's actually true, which is the worst part.

SO to show you how boring my life is, here is a list of the things I googled 2 days ago:

holoprosencephaly - your brain does not develop properly into 2 hemispheres
sirenomelia - mermaid babies!! (actually not a good thing)
patent ductus arteriosus - your ductus arteriosus stays open when you are born, leading to a classic "machinery like" murmur. oh and the whole point of it is to bypass the lungs in the fetus and send blood straight from the pulmonary arteries to the aorta. but if it stays open once you're born, you need to close it.
syringomyelia - enlargement of central canal of the spinal cord. crossing fibers of the spinothalamic tract are typically damaged first, so you get bilateral loss of pain and temperature sensation in the upper extremities with preservation of touch sensation.

Okay I'll spare you the rest. Get the idea? I took a four hour practice test today and that's half the length of the actual exam. BLARGH. I am so tired, and my brain feels so full. There was actually a study done that showed my brain gets bigger while I study for this exam, compared to students who take the summer off. GO MY BRAIN!!!

PS I do have one post from when I was on surgery that I just never completed - I'll backdate that one and post it sometime, so look out for that.

measure by measure

I think one of the hardest things about working really long hours is the inability to tell how things are going. Are you having a good day? A bad day? If you're working 13+ hours, that's plenty of time to have my normal equivalent of 2 bad days and 1 good day. So when I get home at night and Brandon or Kamna asks me how things went I just want to shrug. Who knows if it was good or bad?

There was a good part where I was with the senior fellow and he let me close three different patients.

There was a bad part where the junior fellow was freaking out and super mad at everyone in the OR. (This had originally started off as a great thing for me, as she was not on time for the beginning of the surgery and the ninja-like attending showed up and I got to be first assist for 15 blessed minutes. Which was so fun! Because she (junior fellow) never lets me do anything, not even close, so it felt like revenge.) She's sorta just one of those poisonous personalities - what can you do? I told someone to call her, but I was already scrubbed in.

There was a good part where my prerounding finally took less than 30 minutes.(Yeah yeah, all I do is copy down vitals, but reading that chart was baffling, and more so that early in the morning. And more so if the nurses were stealing them and hiding from me - which they weren't- but it really seemed like they were sometimes.)

There was a bad part when I showed up this morning at the crack of dawn (earlier than the crack of dawn) and my intern was prerounding on MY patients. Okay, look, that's fine. If you want to do it you can do it. But you had better TELL ME so that I don't have to be there at 445, arghahhgkadjjfsriesirewnawn!!!!!

Anyway. A day in the life. There were about 20 other things that happened that day, but see? The day is long. I am tired.

i operated on a live pig!

...in heels. I accidentally left my tennis shoes/clogs at home. It was dumb. It was especially dumb because my partners were shorter than me and the table height was a slight problem because I was in heels. Fail.

Happily, we did not fail to remove the gallbladder, spleen and kidneys from our pig! It was pretty great to be the one doing something for once during a surgery.

My partners and crime, and our poor pig:


I have much more explicit photos of her insides, but I decided to leave those out in case someone found them shocking/gross. And don't worry, she was anesthetized.

this is what i ate today

1) sweet & salty mix, consisting of peanuts, sunflower seeds, raisins, and m&ms. 290 calories
2) 1 and 1/2 nutrigrain bar
3) york peppermint patty
4) fun size butterfinger bar
5) cherry flavored tootsie roll pop (#s 3-5 all during a meeting)
6) stolen coffee.

I don't think interns or residents eat. Pretty sure attendings do, since they get to show up late and leave early, but the only stuff I ever see the underlings eat/drink is stuff they steal for free out of pantries, which mostly consists of saltines, graham crackers, coffee, juice, and jello. Obviously, this is one of the least fun parts of the rotation for me. Everyone knows I like to eat. I can only hide so many treats in my white coat, though - other stuff has to fit in there too.

Anyway, I am getting more used to this rotation. I feel like there are moments of teaching - and therefore learning - brilliance, but most of the time it's all over the place. Some surgeons ask you nothing, and don't speak during the entire operation except to the first assist. Some grill you the entire time. Some like to talk about mundane stuff (obviously, my favorite variety). But you never know what you're going to get, or how much you're going to learn. It is sometimes difficult trying to fill in the gaps yourself when you are not nearly as good at identifying your gaps in knowledge as they are. I'm getting some really basic knowledge through my preceptor group, which I'm not sure is meant to serve that purpose. But I'll take it. And I will try my best to remember it.

Blarg. Anyway, 3 hours until hopeful bedtime. I am bleaching my white coat for the first time (yes, I have washed it before) because it was getting super scraggly. Can't be looking all scraggly when you're seeing patients or they won't let you tap them on the face to check for Chvostek's sign. No, they will not.

braaains

I bet the person who drives this car & I would be great friends.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred

Here's the idea:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.

2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.

3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. (I am going to italicize those, because I can't find the strike out button...)

4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

1. Venison

2. Nettle tea

3. Huevos rancheros

4. Steak tartare

5. Crocodile

6. Black pudding - Bert got this once. It looked disgusting. I will never try it. If he can't eat it, I can't eat it.

7. Cheese fondue

8. Carp

9. Borscht

10. Baba ghanoush

11. Calamari

12. Pho

13. PB&J sandwich

14. Aloo gobi - Kamna's mom makes this! So good!

15. Hot dog from a street cart - Um, cheap hot dogs are one of my greatest weaknesses.

16. Epoisses

17. Black truffle

18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes

19. Steamed pork buns

20. Pistachio ice cream

21. Heirloom tomatoes

22. Fresh wild berries

23. Foie gras

24. Rice and beans

25. Brawn, or head cheese

26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper

27. Dulce de leche

28. Oysters

29. Baklava

30. Bagna cauda

31. Wasabi peas

32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl

33. Salted lassi

34. Sauerkraut

35. Root beer float

36. Cognac with a fat cigar - I've had them separately....but not together.

37. Clotted cream tea

38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O

39. Gumbo

40. Oxtail

41. Curried goat - I've eaten a ton of goat (Kenya), but curried? Usually roasted.

42. Whole insects - happily avoided this in Kenya

43. Phaal - after looking it up, I wish I've tried it...

44. Goat’s milk

45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more

46. Fugu

47. Chicken tikka masala

48. Eel

49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut

50. Sea urchin

51. Prickly pear

52. Umeboshi

53. Abalone

54. Paneer

55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal

56. Spaetzle

57. Dirty gin martini

58. Beer above 8% ABV

59. Poutine - apparently this is like cheese fries, except the cheese is cheese curds? ew

60. Carob chips

61. S’mores

62. Sweetbreads - um, I did not realize this is thymus and pancreas. A little too close to home for the medical student.

63. Kaolin - ? wtf is this, when I look it up, it seems like maybe it's a rock.

64. Currywurst

65. Durian

66. Frogs’ legs

67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake

68. Haggis - do not want.

69. Fried plantain

70. Chitterlings, or andouillette - also no.

71. Gazpacho

72. Caviar and blini

73. Louche absinthe

74. Gjetost, or brunost

75. Roadkill - come on now you're getting ridiculous

76. Baijiu

77. Hostess Fruit Pie

78. Snail

79. Lapsang souchong

80. Bellini

81. Tom yum

82. Eggs Benedict

83. Pocky

84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.

85. Kobe beef

86. Hare

87. Goulash

88. Flowers

89. Horse

90. Criollo chocolate

91. Spam

92. Soft shell crab

93. Rose harissa

94. Catfish

95. Mole poblano

96. Bagel and lox

97. Lobster Thermidor

98. Polenta

99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee

100. Snake

And done! For a girl who started out with a very very limited palate, I have come a long way. It's awesome. Also, how did I live without Asian cuisine for the first 16-odd years of my life?

snowmaggedon. snowcalypse. snow country for old men. snow-co and lime.

snow day!

Yesterday (Saturday) it snowed all day, and so I stayed in the house as best befits a Southerner scared by falling snow.


It built up all day, and by evening (dreary, dreary evening, as pictured above) we had a solid 6 inches. So when we woke up today to sunshine, sledding was the obvious daytime activity.


First, we had to go to walmart, where we purchased the only remaining "snow bougie" or something, which is like a boogie board for snow. The dude told us that it was "out of season" for normal-type saucer sleds. Whatever. It's January! Anyway, snowthingy purchased, we headed to Patterson Park and joined the mostly 12-and-under crowd.

That's me at the top of the hill sitting down. This is how I sled in style:

So graceful. Feet drag slows you down!! There was some random dude there with tons of sleds, so Sarah and I were able to borrow one to go down together.


That was way fun. By the way, sledding is exhausting and you pretty much need the endless energy of a small child to keep at it indefinitely, so after an hour we were pretty beat and we decided to go play in the snow. Snow angles & men commenced.



The tiniest snowman in the woooooorld! So cute. Sarah's had a bit of a problem.



Anyway, thus concludes my day frolicking in the snow. I get to do it next weekend too, at Brandon's departmental retreat, so this was mere practice for real tubing! Fun fun fun.

You know you are adapting to cold winters when you don't think twice about:
1) Wearing tights under your pants to further trap body heat
2) Using a broom to sweep massive amounts of snow off your car
3) How many layers are appropriate for each level of cold. Somehow I just know how much clothing I need now.

The only disappointment about today was that walmart did not have rock band 1 for xbox. Not surprising, but still disappointing. I want all the songs I learned how to play on.

science vs romance

It has been a while. I don't want to complain a whole bunch, and lately I have felt like complaining, so I have simply been quiet on the blog front. Anyway, I think as of today I have decided my new year's resolution: attitude adjustment. I think I need one, and so I shall attempt one. I am really blessed, so I should just stfu and appreciate it a little more.

I would like to show you a powerpoint slide from a lecture at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine:

I do believe that cell is rolling in cash money. I wish albumin or bile started with D so I could make a sweet rap song joke. SIGH

Anyway, yesterday a few of my friends and I went on a mission to purchase rock band. It has already been a life-changing thing. My voice is still hoarse from all the yelling and screaming that passes for me "singing." Fun times!!

We only have two more exams before second-year ends. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. I do not think I can study for many more exams before going totally insane. If they schedule me to take the boards first, I may explode. Someday soon I shall know my fate, explosion or otherwise.